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Role Playas
Role Playas is an episode of Dick Figures. It is about a role-playing game being played by Maroon a.k.a. Red and Cerulean a.k.a. Blue. Transcript Narrator: Now follows a fabled tale about the brave knight, Maroon and his trusty companion, Cerulean the Wizard, who ventured to a dangerous World of War and Craft to rescue the fair maiden Pinkcess, from the evil King Richard Figures the Long Shaft. (Maroon is facing an ogre.) Maroon (Red): Stand fast ogre for I'm about to cleave thee a new butthole! (Maroon kills the ogre. It leaves a pile of coins.) Maroon: Oh sick, loot! Ding! (Maroon takes the gold.) Cerulean (Blue): Dude-eth, if you kill every ogre you see, we'll never rescue the princess! Maroon: How now gay lord? What is with thy cap and has thou turned thy penis into a stick?! Cerulean: 'Tis a wizarding cap and 'tis a wizarding wand! So you can just, shutthefuckupicus! Ahhh! (Cerulean's wand makes a farting sound and Red laughs. They walk to the Shit Piss Fart Woods. They see a green guy playing banjo called "Lord Tourettes") Lord Tourettes: Hahahahah, ahah. Weary travelers Red and Blue, shall I sing a FUCK (his eyes turn red and his teeth sharpen everytime he says a bad word) for you? Cerulean: Umm... what? Maroon: Fear not, 'tis Lord Tourettes, part of the Shit Piss Fart woods. (Lord Tourettes laughs and puts out tongue.) Cerulean: No thanks, we're kinda gettin' our quest on... Lord Tourettes: Too late! For I've just begun! A tweetle COCK!, and a tweetle BALLS!, pony sparkles, bubblegum. Little faires in my BUTTNAZIASSTHUNDERPUBICHAIRCHODEDOUCHEINMYMOUTH!!!!. (Lord Tourettes turns back into normal and strums banjo a last time.) Cerulean: I can see the castle. The princess is just up ahead! (Maroon drags Lord Tourettes' bleeding decapitated head.) Maroon: Does she have big boobs? Cerulean: For show! Maroon: Then make haste!!! (Cerulean and Maroon are close to the "castle".) Cerulean: *gasp* The fair maiden. Maroon, cover me! Maroon: You have my bow! (Maroon wields a bow. Cerulean runs to the castle and starts to climb on it. A wooden window opens and a guard approaches. He throws a rock at Cerulean, then an axe. Then a sword, ninja stars and an unknown mud-like substance.) Cerulean: Ah! Whoa! Ah! Ah! Oh shit! HELP!! HELP!! Maroon: I got your back! (Maroon fires the bow and accidentaly hits Cerulean in the back.) Cerulean: Ahhh!! you got my back! Maroon: That's what I said! (Maroon fires another time and hits Cerulean again...) Cerulean: What the hell!?!! Come on, stop firing arrows! Maroon: Whoahh I found a crossbow! (Maroon fires some arrows with the crossbow and hits the guard and the guard falls off.) Cerulean: Ah, fina- (An arrow hits Cerulean.) Cerulean: Ahh god damnit!! (The Pinkcess yells at Cerulean...) Pinkcess (Pink): Blue! I've been waiting here for like four hours! This is worse than our first date!!! Cerulean: Wait...seriously?!?! Pinkcess: I'm going home! (It's then shown that it was just a role-playing game.) Pink: Call me when you're done playing with your wand! (Pink leaves the house...) Blue: Hey wait Pink! Come back! Huhhh... Red: How dare thee ruin D&D night wench!! Blue: Roll for sadness...critical fail... (Blue dunks his head on the table in sadness...) Red: Condolences brother, but as King Richard Figures once quoted "Man she's a bi-" -Episode ends- Episode End The word KING RICHARD FIGURES is written in cursive with the shows themesong playing, Lord Tourettes laughter is heard in the episode selection. Video thumb|left|500px Trivia *It shows Red and Blue are ambidextrous because in the story book they are holding their sword and wand, respectively, in their right hands but when Blue lifts his wand and Red lifts his sword, they use their left hands. *Alhough the narrator calls them Maroon and Cerulean, they are called Red and Blue by Lord Tourettes, although this could be his disorder as Cerulean said "Maroon, Cover Me!". Category:Episodes Category:Season 1